we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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