Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
