respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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