Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
