I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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