Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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