You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
