drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
