I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
