I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
