i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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