You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
