Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Drunk is not a location!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
