I'm jealous of your bromance
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize