I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
