Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
