I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
