My nipple is on Facebook.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
