Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
