I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
