it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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