I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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