I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
