I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
