I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
