What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
