doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
