Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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