I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
