Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
