i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize