It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
