Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
