you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
