bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
