His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm getting married
To pizza
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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