Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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