you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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