Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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