I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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