Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize