$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just google imaged poop.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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