haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I touched a dick in church today
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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