I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
