New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
