Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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