the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
