Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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