I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
