You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
