Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
