When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
