I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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