so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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