I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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