It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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