I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
