remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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