if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
