I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
