Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize