my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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