i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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