I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
