I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
