the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
