Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
