Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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