can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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