oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
