Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize