By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
