Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
