all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
