Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize