You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
